How to be Happy as an Expat

When Moving Abroad Isn’t All Rainbows and Fairy Tales

So, you’ve moved abroad, and the honeymoon phase begins to fade. The novelty wears off, winter arrives with a bang, and you’ve never been so cold before, despite how pretty the snow is. Life settles into a new routine focussed on work, school and chores, and you don’t manage to get around and explore as half as much as you’d anticipated. You find yourself pondering rhetorical questions: Why am I here? Did we make the right decision? Have we made a mistake? How do other expats post so many beautiful new adventures on social media? I miss my family. The list goes on.

Nostalgia kicks you straight in the gut and leaves you feeling a mixture of emotions that are so strong that you feel like you’ve been whirred around in a food processor! Social media is filled with snapshots of solo travel, happy expats on new adventures, and nomads, making this “living abroad thing” look so beautiful and easy. But what if suddenly you feel like this isn’t for you?

People emigrate for many reasons, and sometimes, it’s for work. That’s our expat story. My husband was offered a fantastic job opportunity in Austria, an offer he could not refuse. He’s an Austrian by blood but a South African by birth. Cue the dramatic music: within two months, we’d moved from Cape Town (voted the most beautiful city in the world) to a picturesque Austrian village.

Moving Abroad is an Emotional Rollercoaster

Moving abroad was like trying to fit a lifetime of belongings into a suitcase the size of a peanut. It was an emotional roller coaster that left me feeling like I needed a motion sickness bag and a strong coffee. Packing and sorting through a lifetime of belongings was a whirlwind of emotions. And saying goodbye to our family—I think that was probably the hardest thing to do.

However, we had to be strong for our boys; we said we were going on an adventure. My soul, what a roller coaster ride it’s been! Not necessarily the exhilarating kind, but almost more of an I-feel-like-I-am-going-to-throw-up kind. Navigating the nuances of Austrian culture is like trying to salsa dance with a schnitzel—irregular, confusing, and inevitably ending in laughter, tears, or maybe just indigestion. Honestly, I have not always enjoyed the expat ride, but I am here to tell you that if you’re on the same kind of roller coaster, it’s alright; you are not alone.

Whether you’re feeling like a fish out of water, an elephant in a snowstorm, or just a confused human in a foreign land and want to know how to be happy as an expat, take comfort in the fact that expat life can be a wild ride. But at least we’re all in it together.

12 Tips to Help When You’re Struggling as an Expat

Be gentle with yourself.
Maximise better sleep.
Nature’s healing touch.
An expedition awaits.
Forge expat friendships.
Bridge the miles – stay connected.
Embrace your emotions.
Savour home comforts
Take up a new hobby.
Learn the language – even just a little.
Mission – Ground yourself in purpose and passion.
Cry if you want to.

1. “Be Gentle With Yourself”—Mom

It’s something my mother tells me during every single conversation. At first, I thought she was being kind until I took a moment to understand it. Every day, we’re so hard on ourselves without even realising it. For being the “unhappy one,” for struggling with the language, and for not settling as quickly as you feel you should. Being gentle with yourself means realising that taking a little longer is okay; expat life isn’t a race. It’s OK if you take a little longer than others to learn the language, to venture out alone, and to enjoy things as much as your family seems to be doing. Be gentle with yourself before all else. Take it easy and share the load.

2. Maximise Better Sleep

Ah… sleep, glorious sleep! I love to do it, and it’s probably the most underrated basic need. Yet, you think about a million things instead of drifting off… Things like: Is my visa valid? Will the kids cope alright in their new school? We need to get more socks. Sleep is vital for your emotional well-being; a natural mood booster and catching enough Z’s is also great for your skin and physical well-being. Yet, it takes a lot of work to get sufficient sleep during difficult situations. Please do what you must, but ensure a good night’s rest because, let’s face it, navigating foreign systems is hard enough when you’re fully caffeinated, let alone running on empty!

3. Nature’s Healing Touch

Nature has an incredible way of calming and soothing the soul. If you find yourself in a place where you can step out into nature, be near water, or escape the confines of your home or office, seize the opportunity! I need to prioritise this more often. I’m admittedly a bit of a homebody, but whenever I relent and allow my family to persuade me to go for a walk, a bike ride, or even a swim at the indoor pools, I return home feeling refreshed, and the weight of worries don’t seem as heavy.

4. An Expedition Awaits

We’ve had grand visions of becoming European-trotting adventurers. But alas, work, school, and the never-ending whirlwind of life tend to keep our feet firmly planted on local soil. Our weekends often resemble a balancing act between tackling household chores, catching up on much-needed rest, and marvelling at the wonders of our doorstep. While travelling between cities is only sometimes on the cards, we’ve discovered that our new locale harbours hidden gems just a stone’s throw away. I must confess, though, that our favourite weekends are when we play ‘tourist in our town,’ gallivanting through nearby cities, exploring quaint villages, or indulging in the delights of the outdoors. It’s our budget-friendly version of European exploration, with just as much charm and significantly fewer airport-induced meltdowns. We need to do this more!

Just get out and explore as much as you can!

5. Forge Expatriate Friendships

Making new friends as an expat isn’t always a walk in the park—for the children or the adults! Language barriers, cultural differences, or just a sense of feeling like you need to connect with someone who actually understands what you’re going through. Join social media or international expat groups; you’ll never know who you may find! This has been extremely helpful to me. I have met some incredible people (some truly happy expats) from South Africa now living in Austria, and we understand each other when we say that sometimes we need to get out, sit on the park bench, stare into space, and ask ourselves, “What am I doing here?” You may find that helping someone else also benefits you in unexpected ways.

6. Bridge the Miles & Stay Connected

If I ranked these tips in order of importance, staying in touch with loved ones back home would undoubtedly snag the #1 spot for being happy as an expat. It’s like a lifeline for your sanity! Sometimes, chatting with family or friends back home feels more like rubbing salt in the wound—especially when they’re soaking up the sun on a beach while we’re freezing in the snow. Or you’re missing them so much that just the sound of their voice puts a lump in your throat. But jokes aside, nothing beats a heartfelt conversation with one of your favourite people. It’s food for the soul, trust me! Schedule it if you must.

7. Learn the Language – Even Just a Little

I can write for days about how difficult it has been to learn the language. With the added dialect, Austrian, or Österreichische Deutsch, has been extremely difficult to get used to. A far cry from the Hochdeutsch I’ve heard my in-laws speaking for the past 20 years. Some days, when we have our Austrian family over, I feel like a champ at my conversation, and other days, it is so tiring to try to focus and concentrate that my brain literally switches off. I smile and nod in agreement – I must look like a total nutcase! However, learning even the basics will go a long way towards communicating with locals and getting help from a doctor. It’s respectful and the right thing to do when moving to a new country. The same goes for the culture. There is so much to be enjoyed. Embrace it, and take your time.

8. Embrace Your Emotions

If you find yourself struggling to cope, homesickness hits you hard (which, let’s face it, is bound to happen!), or you feel like everyone else is acclimatising faster than you, it’s so important to talk about it. Share what’s on your mind with your partner, if you have one, so you can tackle challenges together and lean on each other for support. Don’t hesitate to contact your fellow happy expat buddies, family, or old friends back home. Bottling up your emotions and putting on a brave face won’t do you any favours—trust me, I’ve been there. There will be days when you feel like you’re winning at this expat life and others when you’re convinced you’ve forgotten how to navigate even the simplest tasks. Remember, these feelings are temporary, and it’s perfectly okay not always to be OK.

9. Home Comforts

This is one thing that I made sure to do from the very start. We’ve hung our family photo gallery wall, brought little trinkets and comforts from back home, and I’ve even tried to buy similar plants to what we had in our home back in South Africa. Make your new space look and feel like home.

Cook the same or similar meals that you’d have back home. Having three growing boys generally means homemade bread, pizza, spaghetti bolognese, or lasagne. If we could afford the steaks as we could back home or find lamb chops as easily, we’d probably braai a lot more than we do, but we try to make it as “homely” as possible, even through the food we eat.

10. Take up a New Hobby

No matter what it is, you try. Learn to knit. Start journaling. Join pilates classes to meet new friends. Take a fishing course to spend time outdoors during the fishing season. Learn how to draw through online courses (there are so many possibilities online). Or even start a blog. A new hobby can be an excellent way to distract you and give you some sense of purpose again.

11. Mission: Ground Yourself in Purpose

Why are you where you are? Did you move for work, to provide a better future for your children, or to travel the world? Whatever it may be, keep reminding yourself why you’re there and working towards that. Set yourself a goal, and if you’re still feeling like everything still feels like a dumpster fire after, say, five years, remember that you’re not a tree; you can move. But before you start packing, give it your best shot. I still have 42 months to go…

12. Cry if You Want To

There’s no better release. Well, except maybe a scream, but that tends to alarm the neighbours. So, when all else fails, shed a tear or two. I’ve lost count of how many times a good cry has worked wonders for me. Did you know that shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins? It’s like a natural mood booster next to sleep. And hey, remember, this is YOUR party—you’re allowed to let it all out.

– Jodi Picoult (Handle With Care) –
Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.

Whatever you choose, choose to be a happy expat. No matter how difficult it may be, prioritise your well-being.

Remember to be gentle with yourself when life in a foreign country hits hard, and you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of confusion! You can be happy as an expat, anywhere.

xoxo